1
00:00:04,009 --> 00:00:09,989
If I squint at you from a distance, I
can almost see a soldier. But what I'm

2
00:00:09,990 --> 00:00:12,400
wondering right now is, what do you
dress like?

3
00:00:13,790 --> 00:00:16,070
Can you be more specific, sir?

4
00:00:16,430 --> 00:00:17,480
Like?

5
00:00:17,750 --> 00:00:22,470
Like Shrek. No, I bought this costume at
a Halloween store. This is angry green.

6
00:00:23,020 --> 00:00:28,079
Swamp ogre. Colonel, the troops have
chosen to watch Shrek for the 17th

7
00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:32,298
movie night. I am dressed as an angry
green swamp ogre. Now, if someone were

8
00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:35,719
dress as Shrek, maybe they would do so
because the film is a cultural

9
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:37,160
for an entire generation.

10
00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:41,740
Get your feet off my desk.

11
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:46,340
Officially, as of now, Major, Shrek is
banned on this base.

12
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:47,720
Confirmed, sir. Fine.

13
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:51,300
Guess we can watch Shrek 2. Shrek 2 is
banned. Shrek 3, banned.

14
00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:53,779
What? Is there a Shrek 4? Because it's
banned.

15
00:00:53,780 --> 00:00:54,599
Forever After.

16
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:57,480
What? Shrek 4. It's called Shrek Forever
After.

17
00:00:57,740 --> 00:00:58,820
Well, not on this base.

18
00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:01,770
Hey! Come on now! Does the Constitution
even allow that?

19
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,560
Okay. Bye -bye. Great.

20
00:01:05,740 --> 00:01:07,660
Ready for the next meeting? Yeah, sure.

21
00:01:07,661 --> 00:01:08,619
What is it?

22
00:01:08,620 --> 00:01:11,030
Specialist Gideon is dressed as a giant
donkey.

23
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:36,249
Why are you trying to impress her? She's
just a Canadian NATO general.

24
00:01:36,250 --> 00:01:39,459
General Martin is coming here on my
invitation. You understand that, right?

25
00:01:39,460 --> 00:01:42,960
that her last three mentees are all
lieutenant generals now?

26
00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:44,250
Okay, relax.

27
00:01:44,460 --> 00:01:47,500
What do you have in that love me folder?
It's insane.

28
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:49,820
Most soldiers put in their resume.

29
00:01:49,821 --> 00:01:53,259
Do you have your kindergarten artwork or
something in there? It didn't go back

30
00:01:53,260 --> 00:01:55,039
that far. It started, like, middle
school.

31
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:58,940
Dad, I would appreciate it if you were
on your best behavior, you know? No,

32
00:01:59,020 --> 00:02:01,080
like, Canada jokes or anything.

33
00:02:01,081 --> 00:02:04,379
Stupid. Have I made a candidate joke
yet? They are an important strategic

34
00:02:04,380 --> 00:02:05,430
partner. Okay.

35
00:02:05,620 --> 00:02:06,670
Here she comes.

36
00:02:07,020 --> 00:02:09,430
What's she going to teach you? How to
say sorry?

37
00:02:09,431 --> 00:02:10,799
Just said stop.

38
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:14,410
Well, maybe she'll introduce you to
Santa Claus if you're lucky. Stop. Oh.

39
00:02:14,980 --> 00:02:16,030
General Martin.

40
00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:17,800
Well, hello, Nico.

41
00:02:18,500 --> 00:02:19,880
You must be the famous Quinn.

42
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:23,940
The rumors are true. I could smell your
base's cheese a half a click out.

43
00:02:24,180 --> 00:02:25,780
General Martin, it is an honor.

44
00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:30,440
Canada is, of course, one of our most
important strategic partners.

45
00:02:31,420 --> 00:02:35,460
We are big fans of Canada. Welcome. Can
I get you coffee or tea?

46
00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:38,480
Caffeines for the unmotivated. I'd like
a tour.

47
00:02:43,900 --> 00:02:47,979
This is our urban training site with
state -of -the -art equipment to

48
00:02:47,980 --> 00:02:49,560
our troops for any situation.

49
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:54,659
Mock buildings for forced entry
exercises, a rock wall for terrain skill

50
00:02:54,660 --> 00:02:59,060
development, and this is our picnic
table for people to have lunch.

51
00:02:59,710 --> 00:03:00,970
What is that, a sandwich?

52
00:03:02,050 --> 00:03:06,810
Yum. This whole place here was a useless
bowling alley until I turned it around.

53
00:03:06,990 --> 00:03:11,190
This was your influence? Oh, yeah.
Impressive. Thank you, General. Thank

54
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:14,939
General, would you care to see the most
advanced armed forces laundry operation

55
00:03:14,940 --> 00:03:18,159
in all of Europe? I'm sure it's not
advanced enough to deal with my dirty

56
00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:19,210
laundry.

57
00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:25,039
Your reputation for risque humor
precedes you, ma 'am. Well, there's not

58
00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:26,780
of finishing schools in Saskatoon.

59
00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:31,899
You will be proud to know, Colonel, that
we use your training methods on NATO

60
00:03:31,900 --> 00:03:32,950
troops. Oh, really?

61
00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:36,100
Well, I'm very, very honored to hear
that, General.

62
00:03:36,340 --> 00:03:40,599
I would like to hear more about that.
And I also hear you have something to do

63
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:41,650
with the NATO troops.

64
00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:46,300
It's a fine program. Not as fine as this
facility, though, I have to say.

65
00:03:46,620 --> 00:03:51,119
You know, we could use an upgrade like
this at the NATO shape base in Mons. We

66
00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:55,719
mostly have glowing maps and conference
rooms. And look, it's all fun and war

67
00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:59,299
games, but how can you train soldiers if
you've forgotten how it feels to hold a

68
00:03:59,300 --> 00:04:00,350
rifle in your hand?

69
00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:02,120
Yes, General. And you know what?

70
00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:05,080
I still have my glock knuckle.

71
00:04:05,380 --> 00:04:07,970
Oh, please don't. 35 years ago. I love a
glock knuckle.

72
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,000
You know? Oh, that's a big one. It is.

73
00:04:10,001 --> 00:04:11,369
I have one, too.

74
00:04:11,370 --> 00:04:12,149
You do?

75
00:04:12,150 --> 00:04:18,189
General, I would love to come to your
base and help assess the situation and

76
00:04:18,190 --> 00:04:22,170
perhaps continue our conversation about
that professional development.

77
00:04:22,171 --> 00:04:26,029
Captain, your letter got my attention.
And it brought me to this base. So I

78
00:04:26,030 --> 00:04:27,470
would love to host you at mine.

79
00:04:27,570 --> 00:04:31,070
Awesome. And Colonel Quinn as well.

80
00:04:31,410 --> 00:04:35,809
I would love to see those conference
rooms. Well, they're great for one -on

81
00:04:35,810 --> 00:04:38,190
meetings. I'd love to have a one -on
-one. Me too.

82
00:04:38,191 --> 00:04:39,789
Can I see your cows?

83
00:04:39,790 --> 00:04:40,840
Yeah, yeah.

84
00:04:42,250 --> 00:04:43,710
Hey. It's her.

85
00:04:43,711 --> 00:04:48,169
Is it true? You guys are really banning
Shrek? Yeah, the colonel banned the

86
00:04:48,170 --> 00:04:51,969
movie. Okay, yeah, but it's not like a
real order, right? It's like one of his

87
00:04:51,970 --> 00:04:54,529
silly orders, like when he told his side
we couldn't say bless you after

88
00:04:54,530 --> 00:04:56,829
sneezing anymore because it was
superstitious nonsense?

89
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,210
Orders are orders, no Shrek.

90
00:04:59,010 --> 00:05:05,209
Okay, you are too old to understand how
much this movie means to our younger

91
00:05:05,210 --> 00:05:06,260
enlisted soldiers.

92
00:05:06,270 --> 00:05:08,130
This is the cartoon about a fat Grinch.

93
00:05:08,131 --> 00:05:09,939
I assume. I've only seen the poster.

94
00:05:09,940 --> 00:05:15,159
You don't get it. As kids, these
soldiers saw Shrek as this down -to

95
00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:18,830
outsider. It means something to them.
You know what means something to me?

96
00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:20,720
Following a chain of command.

97
00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:23,000
No. Don't say it.

98
00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:30,670
Hey. Hey.

99
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:34,560
So can you review these talking points
that I wrote up for our trip to NATO?

100
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:36,510
Where are you going?

101
00:05:36,511 --> 00:05:40,429
I was going to pop over and see General
Martin and make sure she knows where the

102
00:05:40,430 --> 00:05:46,569
defect is. In that blazer? This is my
lucky blazer. It's your lucky blazer.

103
00:05:46,570 --> 00:05:49,820
not my fault that I'm five for five in
this. It's just a nice blazer.

104
00:05:49,821 --> 00:05:52,149
Don't sleep with General Martin, please.
Why?

105
00:05:52,150 --> 00:05:54,549
I really don't want things to get messy,
okay? The program's so important to me.

106
00:05:54,550 --> 00:05:55,689
Why would it get messy?

107
00:05:55,690 --> 00:06:00,269
This is what you do. You'll sleep with a
woman and then come up with some excuse

108
00:06:00,270 --> 00:06:01,079
like a...

109
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:04,419
Fake phone call that you have to go save
America, and then they're left there

110
00:06:04,420 --> 00:06:08,019
alone and hurt. It's the pattern that
you have. It's not a pattern. It's a

111
00:06:08,020 --> 00:06:12,559
lifestyle choice. I fought in two wars
and defend this country so that all

112
00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:14,839
Americans have the right to do whatever
they want, including wear whatever

113
00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:18,390
jacket they want to say hello to
somebody and walk them over to the DFAC.

114
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,700
All right, all right.

115
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:23,630
I won't make my move until you make your
move.

116
00:06:23,660 --> 00:06:25,680
Yeah, thank you for your sacrifice.

117
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,050
It is a sacrifice.

118
00:06:35,409 --> 00:06:36,490
Hey! What's up?

119
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:41,509
I forgot where the dining hall is. Oh,
it's just across the lawn there, if you

120
00:06:41,510 --> 00:06:42,770
want me to... That sounds far.

121
00:06:42,990 --> 00:06:44,670
You'd use a drink to tide me over.

122
00:06:44,910 --> 00:06:45,960
Oh.

123
00:06:46,170 --> 00:06:47,220
Hey.

124
00:06:49,430 --> 00:06:50,480
Nice place.

125
00:06:51,690 --> 00:06:55,469
It's your place. I know. Sometimes I
just forget and I re -admire it. That's,

126
00:06:55,470 --> 00:06:57,330
uh, General Patton's gun.

127
00:06:57,710 --> 00:06:58,760
Ooh! Yeah.

128
00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:00,260
Impressive. Yeah.

129
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:08,199
I've been sitting all day. I think it's
going to be like a standing evening

130
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:12,120
because I've just been sitting all day.

131
00:07:12,380 --> 00:07:13,430
Pretty tight.

132
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,280
What's going on here?

133
00:07:15,281 --> 00:07:19,099
I mean, it's clear we have a natural
attraction to each other, right?

134
00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:21,210
I mean, why retreat from it? It's
perfect.

135
00:07:21,700 --> 00:07:25,130
We're not in the same chain of command.
We're not even in the same army.

136
00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:31,329
I know. The thing is, my daughter, she
thinks that my... Personal life gets

137
00:07:31,330 --> 00:07:34,729
messy, and she doesn't want me to get
messy with you. Oh, I'm counting on it.

138
00:07:34,730 --> 00:07:40,789
Oh. So get over here, peel off my sex
blazer, and we'll see if you have the

139
00:07:40,790 --> 00:07:42,870
fortitude to invade Canada. Oh!

140
00:07:43,910 --> 00:07:44,960
Wow.

141
00:07:45,210 --> 00:07:46,260
Now,

142
00:07:46,630 --> 00:07:49,950
I know some of you are upset about
recent programming changes.

143
00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:52,370
I told you not to play with Shrek.

144
00:07:52,590 --> 00:07:57,350
Since Shrek is your favorite childhood
movie, I found the perfect substitute.

145
00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,910
What is that? A giant vape?

146
00:08:00,430 --> 00:08:06,509
This is a VHS, and it contains a
recording of my favorite childhood

147
00:08:06,510 --> 00:08:07,850
NeverEnding Story.

148
00:08:08,730 --> 00:08:09,780
Enjoy.

149
00:08:11,610 --> 00:08:13,720
Give it a shot. Just give it a chance,
okay?

150
00:08:17,450 --> 00:08:18,500
They hate it.

151
00:08:18,850 --> 00:08:23,050
Wait, a horse died in it? We want Shrek.
Hey, dude.

152
00:08:23,051 --> 00:08:24,309
Be cool.

153
00:08:24,310 --> 00:08:26,110
Dude? It's Major.

154
00:08:26,390 --> 00:08:27,510
Sorry. Dude.

155
00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:30,800
Major. Listen, why don't you take a
walk?

156
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:32,780
Let us watch The Star is Born.

157
00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:36,539
Okay, this is just a DVD of Shrek.

158
00:08:36,540 --> 00:08:37,999
Prove it.

159
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:42,700
Put it in. You know what? No, we're not
watching Shrek. That is an order.

160
00:08:43,179 --> 00:08:46,520
Great. Enjoy your flying dog, creep.

161
00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:48,170
I'm leaving.

162
00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:55,739
Okay, he's a luck dragon, and he's
really cute and charming. It was ahead

163
00:08:55,740 --> 00:08:56,790
time!

164
00:08:57,199 --> 00:08:59,920
Oh, my God. What happened to Canadians
being polite?

165
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,370
It's a high -altitude training perk. I
need very little oxygen.

166
00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:05,590
I was getting a little worried, you
know?

167
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,260
What? What's that scar?

168
00:09:07,261 --> 00:09:11,179
Oh, ISIS terrorist. He was inside of a
building, so I smashed through a window,

169
00:09:11,180 --> 00:09:13,840
grabbed him, pulled him right out. Oh,
that's cool.

170
00:09:14,540 --> 00:09:15,590
I mean, you know.

171
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:20,120
Oh, my God. What's that from?

172
00:09:20,121 --> 00:09:21,199
Bar fight.

173
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:22,640
Moose jaw. I won.

174
00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:25,640
It's so much bigger than mine.

175
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:29,930
Cool.

176
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:35,700
Oh, boy, I... Man.

177
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:39,280
Looks like I gotta save Canada.

178
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:40,730
What?

179
00:09:40,820 --> 00:09:42,340
I can't believe you said that.

180
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:45,330
What? That's my move. That's what I was
just about to say.

181
00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:49,259
I swear to God. Well, you said you
didn't want things to get messy, so...

182
00:09:49,260 --> 00:09:50,099
this is perfect.

183
00:09:50,100 --> 00:09:53,500
This means it could just be a mutual
transmission of fluids.

184
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:57,620
Hmm. And, you know, respect, obviously.
Hopefully not too much respect.

185
00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:06,020
Good morning, Meg.

186
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,040
Oh, my God.

187
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:12,079
What? You slept with General Martin. No,
I didn't. What are you talking about?

188
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,940
What? You never say good morning, Meg.

189
00:10:13,941 --> 00:10:17,579
You potentially destroyed my chances at
the NATO Professional Development

190
00:10:17,580 --> 00:10:19,380
Program after you said...

191
00:10:19,630 --> 00:10:23,449
I won't make things messy. It's not
messy. It's so cool. She's the female

192
00:10:23,450 --> 00:10:27,489
version of me. She actually even used my
move on me after we, you know, we're

193
00:10:27,490 --> 00:10:29,370
done having, you know, relations.

194
00:10:29,371 --> 00:10:32,989
She picked up her phone and she was
like, oh, I gotta go save Canada.

195
00:10:32,990 --> 00:10:37,749
I was like, really? From what? The
Yetis? Let's say that she doesn't hate

196
00:10:37,750 --> 00:10:41,170
guts yet. She doesn't. She loves many
parts of me. Okay, stop.

197
00:10:41,171 --> 00:10:43,089
New plan.

198
00:10:43,090 --> 00:10:44,790
You are just gonna give her this.

199
00:10:44,791 --> 00:10:49,009
You're going to talk me up, and you are
going to help secure me this mentorship,

200
00:10:49,010 --> 00:10:50,060
okay?

201
00:10:51,710 --> 00:10:56,210
This is so heavy. It's seven pounds.
Like I'm begging you to just edit. Go!

202
00:10:56,910 --> 00:10:58,570
So I can go watch my brain.

203
00:11:02,470 --> 00:11:04,330
Thanks for coming to my neighborhood.

204
00:11:06,130 --> 00:11:09,690
I just couldn't turn down the chance to
have sex on a war table.

205
00:11:09,691 --> 00:11:14,139
Next time, instead of doing it on
Canada, can we do it on Russia? Because

206
00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:17,810
like if we do it long enough, Putin
might actually find out. Oh, he'll find

207
00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:19,620
All right, well, I got to go.

208
00:11:19,621 --> 00:11:23,519
And don't worry, I'm not saving Canada
this time. If anything, I'm putting her

209
00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:24,570
in more danger.

210
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:29,199
Hey. I was thinking, you know, like you
and my daughter should get to know each

211
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:29,959
other better.

212
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,519
She's a great girl. She's really
interesting. She's wicked smart.

213
00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:34,999
She's an impressive officer. You should
be very proud.

214
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:38,859
I'm so proud. And I actually told her
that once under oath. So I was just

215
00:11:38,860 --> 00:11:44,619
thinking that we could grab dinner and
get to know each other. There's an

216
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:45,619
Italian place nearby.

217
00:11:45,620 --> 00:11:47,610
They do a family style thing. It's
great.

218
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,520
I don't do family style.

219
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,990
But they can do individual plates. It's
no big thing.

220
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:58,919
Anyways, she gave it, which is a folder,
summing up her career and her ideas

221
00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:00,560
about the future. Oh, my God.

222
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:02,260
I know. What the hell is that?

223
00:12:02,261 --> 00:12:05,339
She has an oddly shaped head, and it
took us a while to figure out what

224
00:12:05,340 --> 00:12:08,340
worked for her, and that was not one of
the ones that worked.

225
00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:13,700
But anyways, so it's all in here. You
can just get to, um, where are you

226
00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:15,420
Uh, call my office.

227
00:12:15,740 --> 00:12:19,350
Okay, well, we're still on for tomorrow,
right? I'm sure it'll work out.

228
00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:26,370
And hut!

229
00:12:28,220 --> 00:12:33,180
Why are soldiers in the DFAC eating raw
onions like an apple?

230
00:12:33,181 --> 00:12:35,439
Because it's Shrek's favorite food, sir.

231
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:38,400
Also a representation of these many
layers.

232
00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:42,360
I am following orders, and so should
you.

233
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,120
You know who else was just following
orders?

234
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:47,860
Lord Farquaad's knight.

235
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:49,920
Lord Farquaad.

236
00:12:50,250 --> 00:12:55,389
No, I got it from context clues. Thank
you so much. This is ending now, and no

237
00:12:55,390 --> 00:12:57,829
more playing All -Star by Smash Mouth.
Terrible song.

238
00:12:57,830 --> 00:12:58,849
Hey, now.

239
00:12:58,850 --> 00:12:59,900
It's a classic.

240
00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:05,890
What have you done?

241
00:13:09,050 --> 00:13:10,100
Greening our sheets.

242
00:13:10,610 --> 00:13:12,780
You've just been assigned to latrine
duty.

243
00:13:13,290 --> 00:13:14,870
Oh, you can silence me.

244
00:13:16,470 --> 00:13:19,210
Good luck silencing the insertion.

245
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,260
Yummy? We've been waiting a long time.

246
00:13:39,460 --> 00:13:40,640
Oh, she is a general.

247
00:13:40,641 --> 00:13:42,479
And everything went okay yesterday?

248
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:44,040
Great. You gave her my folder?

249
00:13:44,460 --> 00:13:47,040
Yes, I showed her the folder.

250
00:13:47,780 --> 00:13:50,400
You showed her the folder? Yeah.

251
00:13:50,401 --> 00:13:54,879
Did she read the folder? No, she didn't
have to. Like, that's the thing. She's

252
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:56,930
obviously, like I said, she's so into
me.

253
00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:01,939
General Martin can't give the tour after
all. She's been pulled into an

254
00:14:01,940 --> 00:14:02,990
important meeting.

255
00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:04,330
Oh, okay.

256
00:14:04,331 --> 00:14:05,339
Of course.

257
00:14:05,340 --> 00:14:07,180
Thank you, ma 'am. Got it.

258
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:12,599
You said that she was very into you. She
is into me. Oh, why is she blowing you

259
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:16,039
off? She's not blowing... Women don't
blow me off, honey. Okay, well, you get

260
00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:19,259
pulled into an important last -minute
meeting all the time. And when you're

261
00:14:19,260 --> 00:14:20,900
doing that, what does that mean?

262
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,600
It means I'm blowing them off. Come on.

263
00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:25,300
Come on.

264
00:14:25,620 --> 00:14:31,280
What the hell is going on here?

265
00:14:33,690 --> 00:14:37,829
What? What the? Oh, my God. This is your
big meeting? You're re -gripping your

266
00:14:37,830 --> 00:14:38,689
hockey stick?

267
00:14:38,690 --> 00:14:41,090
Unbelievable. It's called a Canadian
breakup.

268
00:14:41,091 --> 00:14:44,049
It's as direct as we can be. You're
breaking up with me?

269
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,100
That's a laugh.

270
00:14:45,770 --> 00:14:46,820
This means war.

271
00:14:47,030 --> 00:14:48,080
Look, I'm sorry.

272
00:14:48,150 --> 00:14:49,200
Oh, you're sorry.

273
00:14:49,201 --> 00:14:51,849
Oh, you're going to be very sorry. You
know what? I'd like to challenge you to

274
00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:54,469
one of these little war games that you
supposedly run here in this toothless

275
00:14:54,470 --> 00:14:58,029
little dollhouse. He's very passionate.
Perhaps that is not the best idea,

276
00:14:58,030 --> 00:15:00,730
considering Canada is one of our most
important...

277
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:02,170
Strategic partners.

278
00:15:02,171 --> 00:15:05,499
Important strategic partners. They're a
bunch of syrup -sucking, puck -making

279
00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:09,480
losers. No. You haven't won the Stanley
Cup with a Canadian team since 1993.

280
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:13,440
How dare you bring up my country's
greatest shame.

281
00:15:13,860 --> 00:15:18,319
Fine. War it is. You pick any country on
the map and I will use that country to

282
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:19,370
crush NATO.

283
00:15:19,900 --> 00:15:24,220
Bhutan. Bhutan it is. I love Bhutan.
Yeah, here we go. Bhutan.

284
00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:25,920
I'm Captain Bhutan.

285
00:15:26,340 --> 00:15:29,600
Yeah, Bhutan is a pacific country with a
million Buddhists.

286
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:36,809
I'm going to... with a bunch of booty um
okay i'm gonna double that bet bhutan

287
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:40,189
wins which it will because i'm running
it my daughter gets the professional

288
00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:44,409
mentorship thing how about that okay
well you have a lot of confidence or no

289
00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:47,989
faith in your daughter let's find out
which one i'm very confident that's

290
00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:54,809
one it is okay yeah okay let's go you
think you're cool pretty hot

291
00:15:54,810 --> 00:15:55,970
god sir

292
00:16:00,479 --> 00:16:04,499
This war table is connected to an AI
program that immediately assesses any

293
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:07,220
geopolitical consequences by military
actions.

294
00:16:07,221 --> 00:16:11,299
I remember when nuclear war was still
done by human hands pushing the big red

295
00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:12,350
button.

296
00:16:12,460 --> 00:16:13,510
Okay, let's begin.

297
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:19,839
Hmm, um, my entire professional future
is now tied to this war game, so you're

298
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:23,060
sure you can beat her? 100 % sure.
Great. No question in my mind. All

299
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:26,000
Just show me where, uh, you can at it.

300
00:16:26,490 --> 00:16:27,540
New Mexico?

301
00:16:27,770 --> 00:16:31,310
Bhutan is here on the China -India
border. Interesting.

302
00:16:31,930 --> 00:16:36,449
Okay. You ready to lock in? Oh, I'm
locked in. Okay. You think I got banned

303
00:16:36,450 --> 00:16:38,490
three trivia nights without locking in?

304
00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:46,490
What is happening here?

305
00:16:46,491 --> 00:16:50,409
Okay, what is wrong with you all? Get
back to work. Clean this up. That's an

306
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:54,249
order. It's a total revolt, sir. I
cannot believe that Papadakis and Sparta

307
00:16:54,250 --> 00:16:55,870
rebelling over a stupid cartoon.

308
00:16:57,690 --> 00:16:58,750
This is a mutiny.

309
00:16:59,110 --> 00:17:01,410
It's a very stupid mutiny.

310
00:17:02,570 --> 00:17:08,229
We here at the Indochina Bhutanese
Alliance respond with a drone squadron

311
00:17:08,230 --> 00:17:12,450
mountainous region and artillery at the
northern border.

312
00:17:12,451 --> 00:17:16,838
Now we're at a stalemate. Not exactly,
because while you were digging trenches,

313
00:17:16,839 --> 00:17:21,020
I was training the Bhutanese Liberation
Front in the Himalayan cave.

314
00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:24,800
You're leading an army of Buddhist
guerrillas.

315
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:26,460
Yeah, we call it karma.

316
00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:31,119
And, you know, the VLF advantage is that
we only live in the moment. That and

317
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:35,559
the nuclear weapons that we have
smuggled into half a dozen Eastern

318
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:37,780
cities. That's a highly unusual move.

319
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:41,280
Yeah, but you can only push Buddhists so
far, right?

320
00:17:42,140 --> 00:17:43,820
Get ready to be reincarnated.

321
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:48,299
Can I talk to you privately for a
moment? Mm -hmm. Um, I can't believe I'm

322
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:50,519
saying this, but I think this is a
little aggressive, don't you?

323
00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:53,859
No. Yeah? No, I would rather trigger
nuclear winter than lose my mentorship

324
00:17:53,860 --> 00:17:55,520
because I played it too safe.

325
00:17:56,020 --> 00:17:57,070
Trust me. Okay.

326
00:17:58,320 --> 00:17:59,370
Whew!

327
00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:00,570
Your turn.

328
00:18:03,460 --> 00:18:06,960
Papadakis, this is out of control. You
gotta call it off.

329
00:18:07,460 --> 00:18:10,480
You know, Major, I was never asking for
slack.

330
00:18:11,210 --> 00:18:12,830
I was only asking for Shrek.

331
00:18:13,090 --> 00:18:14,670
I wish it was that easy.

332
00:18:14,671 --> 00:18:15,849
It is that easy.

333
00:18:15,850 --> 00:18:19,529
The base has Shrek on, like, DVD, Blu
-ray, audiobook, even that weird big

334
00:18:19,530 --> 00:18:22,090
It's called a VHS, and it is the
colonel's order.

335
00:18:22,530 --> 00:18:23,580
He isn't here.

336
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:25,050
It's your order now.

337
00:18:25,401 --> 00:18:29,729
Conway, you volunteered for latrine
duty?

338
00:18:29,730 --> 00:18:32,590
I'm finally serving a cause. I can
believe it.

339
00:18:33,110 --> 00:18:34,370
Totals act like soldiers.

340
00:18:34,630 --> 00:18:38,450
Only question now is, what kind of
soldier are you?

341
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:41,820
Is that a line from Shrek?

342
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,400
Only one way to find out.

343
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:49,240
NATO forces invade the BLF, the
Bulgarian terror cell.

344
00:18:49,700 --> 00:18:51,500
That is too bad.

345
00:18:52,410 --> 00:18:54,690
Because we were never there.

346
00:18:55,050 --> 00:18:58,130
We were in North Macedonia the whole
time.

347
00:18:58,131 --> 00:19:02,029
North Macedonia. North Macedonia. One of
NATO's newest members, but they agreed

348
00:19:02,030 --> 00:19:07,009
to house us in exchange for a nuclear
weapon, which is the reward that we

349
00:19:07,010 --> 00:19:11,890
for any country willing to join the Indo
-China Bhutanese Alliance.

350
00:19:13,090 --> 00:19:14,470
Oh, my God.

351
00:19:14,471 --> 00:19:18,009
And then the Eastern Bloc will join you,
and the NATO alliance is permanently

352
00:19:18,010 --> 00:19:19,060
broken.

353
00:19:20,370 --> 00:19:21,690
Just kidding. Just kidding.

354
00:19:22,730 --> 00:19:25,150
Wow. Crazy impressive, right?

355
00:19:25,151 --> 00:19:28,349
See, I told you. That's why you should
have had that family -style dinner with

356
00:19:28,350 --> 00:19:31,989
the three of us. Sorry. Did you invite a
woman that you barely know to a family

357
00:19:31,990 --> 00:19:33,029
-style dinner?

358
00:19:33,030 --> 00:19:35,230
Yeah. I mean... Well, that's insane.

359
00:19:35,630 --> 00:19:39,710
I'm insane? You're the Putinist bin
Laden. I mean, no wonder she blew us

360
00:19:39,711 --> 00:19:43,229
That's not why she blew me off. Oh, yes,
it is. No, it freaked me out. I thought

361
00:19:43,230 --> 00:19:46,329
you were going to propose going on a
Disney cruise as a family next.

362
00:19:46,330 --> 00:19:47,850
Oh. Hang on a second.

363
00:19:48,450 --> 00:19:49,500
Child 911.

364
00:19:50,540 --> 00:19:55,359
I don't know. Look, he is not invested
in family at all, but he did raise a

365
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:59,360
daughter who knows her way around a war
game, which I think I just won.

366
00:19:59,980 --> 00:20:05,879
So, about that... Captain, I can't in
good conscience let a maniac like you

367
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,560
on the street without my guidance.

368
00:20:07,561 --> 00:20:10,939
Therefore, the mentorship is yours.
Congratulations.

369
00:20:10,940 --> 00:20:13,470
Thank you, ma 'am. Thank you so much.
You're welcome.

370
00:20:13,471 --> 00:20:18,059
They say Shaw overrode my Shrek band on
the base, and he says we have to show

371
00:20:18,060 --> 00:20:20,639
the film tonight because it has
generational importance.

372
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:21,700
Shrek, I love Shrek.

373
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:26,359
Mike Myers, he's our guy. He's our
Canada guy. Can I come and see it? I

374
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:29,539
seen it in a while. Sure, I'll just tell
Shaw to save us a couple feet.

375
00:20:29,540 --> 00:20:31,340
I'm so excited. Yeah. Oh, that's great.

376
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:32,610
Great.

377
00:20:32,611 --> 00:20:35,259
Wow. You're going to watch Shrek?

378
00:20:35,260 --> 00:20:37,610
Yeah, she's watching it and I'll watch
it. Okay.

379
00:20:37,660 --> 00:20:40,940
It's, what is he? He's a giant fat frog,
right?

380
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:42,250
Mm -hmm.

381
00:20:46,199 --> 00:20:49,680
You made the right choice, Shaw. I'm
glad we didn't have to kill you.

382
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:54,399
You know, I always wanted to date
somebody that was basically the female

383
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:55,399
of me.

384
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,560
Hey, can I touch your callus again?

385
00:20:57,860 --> 00:20:58,910
Oh, yeah. Go ahead.

386
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:08,060
Last and final offer,

387
00:21:08,220 --> 00:21:10,330
Colonel. I'll agree to one shared
holiday.

388
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:11,680
I'll give you Boxing Day.

389
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:16,420
Any 24 -hour rendezvous can turn into a
48 -hour rendezvous. But at that point,

390
00:21:16,460 --> 00:21:21,100
the clock resets, and it's a mutually
agreed -upon 72 -hour cooling -off

391
00:21:21,101 --> 00:21:22,379
Fine. Okay.

392
00:21:22,380 --> 00:21:27,080
Terms of endearment I will accept.
Special someone, main squeeze, gal pal.

393
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,000
I'm never going to say gal pal. Done.

394
00:21:29,031 --> 00:21:31,019
All right.

395
00:21:31,020 --> 00:21:32,070
Lock the doors.

396
00:21:32,071 --> 00:21:34,389
Let's test the bounds of this agreement.

397
00:21:34,390 --> 00:21:38,940
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